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A plan in four questions

Where do I start?

Tell us a little about what's going on and we'll put the next steps in order, with the phone numbers for your state. Nothing you enter leaves this page.

1. Where will they get care?
2. What's happening right now?
3. Roughly, what are they working with?
4. Anything else? Tick all that apply.

Your plan will appear here.

Answer questions 2 and 3. Picking a state makes it specific to where they'll live.

The short answers

What to do first, by situation

What should we do when the hospital says Mom can't go home?

Before discharge: ask two questions. First, was your parent formally admitted, or kept "under observation"? Original Medicare only pays for rehab in a nursing facility after 3 days as an inpatient (Medicare Advantage plans set their own rules). Second, where is the discharge plan sending them, and is it safe? If you think the discharge is too soon, ask for a fast appeal before they leave. You can usually stay while it's reviewed without paying for the extra days. After day 20 in rehab, Original Medicare charges $217 a day. Then: call your local aging office. It's free.

What's the first step when a parent can't live alone anymore?

Call your local aging office. It's free. Every county is covered by an Area Agency on Aging or an aging and disability resource center. They know which programs have openings, which have waitlists, and who to call next. Most families find out they exist months too late. Then: get a clear picture of the care needed.

Where do we start when a parent has dementia?

Call the Alzheimer's Association helpline, day or night. Their specialists answer 24 hours a day, every day, and can talk through memory care options, behavior changes and what to ask a community. Then: get the legal paperwork in place.

How do we plan ahead for senior living before there's a crisis?

Get the legal paperwork in place. Someone will need authority to sign admission papers, talk to doctors and handle money. A durable power of attorney and a health care directive are simple while your parent can still sign. Once they can't, it can mean going to court for guardianship. Then: figure out how you'll pay.

What do we do if something's wrong at a parent's assisted living or nursing home?

Call the long-term care ombudsman. Every state has a free, independent ombudsman who advocates for residents of nursing homes and, in most states, assisted living. They can visit, investigate and push the facility to fix things. If you think someone is being abused or neglected, report it to adult protective services too. If they're in danger right now, call 911. Then: call your local aging office. It's free.

Start with your state's guide